Can i not drive my cunt home
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
