there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize