If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
