it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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