Umm I'm too high to move.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
