Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
