Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize