its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
