i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
