Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
