the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
