How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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