And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she smelled like a LAN party
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
