Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
