I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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