Well douche your snatch and let's go!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
