His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
