In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
