I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
