I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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