Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
