I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
