so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
