dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just made out with a guy for $7.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
