Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
