I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
