So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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