if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
