I think i peed on brittanys purse
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
