Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
