Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I checked into jail on foursquare
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
