i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
