I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish you could order shots online.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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