hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
