Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
