Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
