On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
