Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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