I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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