I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
