the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
