make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize