wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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