i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
