1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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