since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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