This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
