the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Randomize
