If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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