how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I came so hard my ears popped.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
