New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
