Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
