"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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