He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
