I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
