i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
