found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
