Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
