just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
