still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
