And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
