yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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