Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
