bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
