your parents love me but you hate me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
