How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
