Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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