I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
